Tii-i-i-ime, ain't on my side (no it ain't)

Okay time for another weekend mid-week roll-up.

New-Jersey considers allowing idiots to vote. This move would bring them up to date with the other 49 states which already allow idiots to vote, as should be obvious by election results. The State Senate President seems to be offended by the word idiot—I am offended by the idiots—though to be fair, the word has no place in a legal document such as a state constitution. Of course, it might be better if we could get the other 49 states to keep their idiots from voting as well.

This one confused me: a 28 year old Texas woman was sentenced to two and a half years in federal prison on the charge of “illegal use of a communication facility.” The Communication facility was the US postal service, and the illegal use? She mailed 78 pounds of pot to herself. (I am assuming she mailed it from El Paso to Amarillo, but it doesn’t say.) What I am confused about is what happened to the drug trafficking or possession with the intent to distribute charges (or is that okay as long as you don’t mail it)?

Do-it-yourself exterminating is deadly business as a Florida man and a German retiree learned.

The Florida man mixed an indoor fogger with WD-40 (an all-purpose lubricant) in order to kill bees. In the process his house caught fire. The German drove metal spikes into the ground and connected a 380 volt cable to them in an effort to kill the moles infesting his garden. This plan failed spectacularly when all he managed to kill was himself.

And finally, a burglary suspect tried to escape from New York police by hiding inside the county Sherriff’s office. On the bright side, he’ll be happy to know that when he gets out of jail he’ll be able to vote in New Jersey.

Until next time,
The trailer calleth

Her head must be full of flour as well

I know I deal with a lot of stupidity in the news. I also know that the objects of my ridicule are often supporters of global warming and the legal system and those who abuse it. But, hey, it’s my blog, and that seems to be what is in the news.

In 2003 a woman was arrested in the Philadelphia International airport while transporting flour-filled condoms. She was imprisoned for three weeks while the substance in the condoms was analyzed. When the woman was released, she sued Philadelphia. Apparently her civil rights were violated.

Well, on the 5th of January a city official announced that the suit was settled for $180,000 (93,000 pounds), and I am torn. I can’t decide who is stupider here – the woman, the lawyers, or Philadelphia.

Let’s start with the woman (by the way, it would be just as stupid were it a man, so save the hate mail). What kind of idiot carries condoms filled with white powder in an international airport (except of course drug smugglers, terrorists, and moronic collegians)?

Now the lawyers. She shouldn’t have been able to get anyone to file that case or, for that matter, a judge to entertain it. What is wrong with our legal system? Do all lawyers trade their common sense for that diploma?

And do I even need to comment on Philadelphia? They settle out of court on a civil rights case that should never have been.

The only people who I won’t call stupid in this are the police officers who arrested this moron. They should be given a medal for protecting us from stupidity.

Until next time,
I’ll be in my trailer.

Outback, Down-Under, and Upside-Down

If you have been reading from the beginning, then you know that “Global Warming” and its supporters are one on my pet peeves. So when I saw this article on climate change in Australia, I had to look. Sure enough, they mentioned greenhouse effect and “Global Warming” in the first sentence.

This is a subject that draws idiots like honey draws flies. Look at the fourth paragraph, a quote by the senior climatologist at the country’s Bureau of Meteorology. I have a lot of gall, but I don’t have as much as that man. Did he take a poll of every scientist in the world? The how the hell does he know what most scientist say on the subject.

I have two other issues with that statement.

The first: have you ever seen a room full of scientists agree on anything?

The second: Who cares what most scientists agree with? What do most Climatologists and meteorologists say? Who cares what the zoologists and botanists and nuclear physicists think? I hold Romulus Crowe’s opinions on parapsychology in high regard, but his thoughts on “Global Warming” are no more important than mine (even if he happens to agree with me) because his knowledge lies in other areas.

I will have to give Rob Taylor credit though, since he did report all of the info, like the fact that the average temperature is only 1 degree (Fahrenheit) higher that the historical average, and was only the eleventh warmest year since 1910, and the southeast of the country had a cooler year in 2006 (Average) than 2005.

So, once again, “Global Warming” though much touted either has no empirical proof, or is so surrounded by idiots that we just can’t see the truth (and with that thought, even I can admit the possibility of being wrong).

Incidentally, you can share your idiot stories (news or otherwise), by sending an email to victorallenwinters @ yahoo.com just remove the spaces.

Until next time,
I’ll be in my trailer.

Time for Another Weekend Roll-up

Russia and the Austrian Alps both have exceeded their record high temperatures. This is the kind of sensationalist reporting that makes my fingers itch to wrap around the windpipe of journalists. Many people will read the headlines, make another mark in the “proof for global warming” column, and continue on their way searching for the newest nude pictures of Brittany Spears (which I have been told are getting easier and easier to find). The problem with this is that the temperature for Russia is less than a degree higher than the previous record—and it is only the record for December (the previous record was in 1953). The Austrian article doesn’t even give specifics, and is filled with vague assurances that it is proof of global warming.

What is it with goats in the news? Last time I pointed out an article about a man who spray-painted goats. This time I found an article about how Sweden is going to safe guard its Christmas Goat, which apparently, has been vandalized for many years, and burned down on a number of occasions. I am not sure which is worse, that there are idiots that deface national symbols, or that the powers that be are putting a stop to an annual Christmas tradition.

Want government stupidity? I’ll give you the next three stories.

A man driving a float in a Christmas parade, was arrested for DUI --Driving Under the Influence for those of you not familiar with the term. Now, besides the man’s stupidity (though I had to laugh when I read that he’d passed the tractor in front of him in the parade) it is worth pointing out that the police charged him with 18 counts of kidnapping. These must be the same police that think breaking into a barn and leaving pornography is burglary.

Finally, the Bong Hits 4 Jesus case is going before the Supreme Court. This was stupid when it happened (2002) and it is just as stupid now. The kid was not on campus and it wasn’t a fieldtrip, therefore he had every right to unfurl a banner reading “Bong Hits 4 Jesus.” How hard is that to figure out?

And the last piece of government idiocy (in this post, though I wish it was forever), New York has decided to crack down on the mystery meats sold in many ethnic grocery stores in the state. Now I am all for safety, but what did they do with this confiscated meat? They destroyed most of it. There people starving all over the world, and they are destroying food. Tons of food, not one or two chickens, around 1.3 million pounds of food was destroyed because it might, not did, contain bacteria or viruses. That is like killing someone because they might turn into a homicidal axe murderer.

I would be remiss if I didn’t hold up the mirror of stupidity for large corporations to look into. Major record labels are going to begin releasing music as MP3s as a test to see if consumers want music that is playable on all digital music processors. A test? Aren’t these the same morons who are taking people to court over downloading music, music which is—if you did not already know—in Mp3 format? But of course in our society if a formal study hasn’t been done and isn’t supported by the vocal majority, then the issue doesn’t exist or isn’t true.

And one more just for fun, a 61 year-old grandmother was arrested for running pot. It turns out she was trying to support a Bingo habit.

Until next time, I’ll be in my trailer.

Hodgepodge and Mish-Mash

Sorry about the lag (and I actually am—hmmm—grumble, expletive), but I’ve been busy tending to my stash of green stuff (money!) and blogging doesn’t pay the bills yet. (Yes, I know I’ve visited other blogs in the past week, but I do that when I am relaxing, and writing this is too much like work to do when I’m relaxing.)

Anyway, here is some of the stupidity that has been going on while I was away:

The World Chess Federation introduced drug testing at the Asian Games. Because you know those wily chess masters are using performance enhancing drugs like...um, well. *shrugs*

Los Alamos scientists have taught bees to detect explosives. Now, instead of teaching the bees to render them inoperable, they are going to teach humans to speak bee.

Lots of science in the news.

Scientist have finally realized that lounging is not only more comfortable than sitting upright, but better for you as well. Hell, I could’ve told you that.

The United States, along with the United Nations, has decided that the best way to deal with a lunatic with nuclear ambitions is to irritate him into submission by grounding him (my parents called it restriction). This is just another in a long line of measures designed to deal with Kim Jong Il and North Korea by Not Doing Anything. Now I’m not saying we should invade North Korea—I am neither stupid nor suicidal—but give me a break, the black market over there puts the New York Stock Exchange to shame.

This one is a bit old, but it had to be shared:

A New York man was arrested on the day after Thanksgiving after spreading pornographic magazine pages across the floor of another man’s barn and spray-painting his goats. The police labeled this as an act of harassment. Please, come harass me. I don’t have enough porn. The man in question was charged with burglary, among other things. Apparently, the police there do not know that the definition of burglary includes the phrase “intent to commit theft.”

That is all for now. If you need me, you know where I’ll be.

So, how much does it cost to insult you? (You can insult me for free.)

Commenting on this is going to ruin my reputation, draw enemies, and possibly get me kicked off Blogger…Okay, I’m convinced.

I wasn’t going to comment on the "Michael Richards Scandal," until I heard the two men he flambéed were thinking of suing him (if he didn’t allow some retired judge to set an amount for monetary damages). With the risk of starting a my-country-is-stupider-than-yours war with Romulus Crowe, this political correct bullshit has got to go. I’ve seen the tape, heard the commentary (can’t get away from it), and seen the interviews, and not once have I heard anyone tell these two losers to get over it.

There, I said it. I’m sorry, but "waah, waah, waah, he insulted me," isn’t a reason to sue somebody. Any judge that rules in their favor should be bullwhipped, shot, stabbed, hung, poisoned, and drawn and quartered. Give me a break. I understand wanting an apology, but money too? This wouldn’t even be an issue if the man wasn’t famous

But I’m not mad. I’m not going to go to Def Comedy Jam and heckle the man performing so he’ll insult me and I can sue him. Because unlike the two gentlemen in question here, I am not a low-life, opportunistic, money grubbing, piece of shit rolling down the gutter of life. Aw damn, now they’re going to sue me (or is all of that okay because I didn’t refer to the color of their skin).

Until they take it, I’ll be in my trailer.

Marathon Running Causes Cancer

Austrian researchers have found that marathon runners have a higher incidence of skin cancer due to sun exposure than those that do not run marathons. My sensational title aside, isn’t that a tad obvious? I mean do we really need researchers to tell us this?

A marathon, for those of you who have lived in a cave since before the Roman Empire and yet still figured out how to use the internet, is a long run (roughly 26 miles). They are usually conducted in the summer which means lots of sunlight—although doing it in the snow would add a whole new degree of difficulty. Training for a marathon can run (groan) up to 100 miles a week

The average human walking speed is around four miles per hour (source: Stephen King’s The Long Walk). My brother, Steven, is in the Army; his average two-mile run time is 15 minutes (eight mile per hour). The world record for a marathon is a little over two hours (so about 13 miles per hour). So let’s say the average running speed for those interested in running is 10 mph.

The fuzzy math above gives you about two and a half hours in the sun for the marathon and 10 hours a week for the training phase. That’s just time spent running, that doesn’t include mowing the grass, pushing your kids on the swing in the park, and taking in an afternoon softball game. Haven’t scientists been telling us that long periods of exposure to sunlight cause skin cancer for over two decades now? Was I the only listening? Do they really need to do a study on this?

Stay tuned. Next week they will release a study telling us that fast food causes obesity. Although, these are the same people who change their minds every five years about the health benefits of eggs.