Saturday, December 9, 2006

Time for Another Weekend Roll-up

Russia and the Austrian Alps both have exceeded their record high temperatures. This is the kind of sensationalist reporting that makes my fingers itch to wrap around the windpipe of journalists. Many people will read the headlines, make another mark in the “proof for global warming” column, and continue on their way searching for the newest nude pictures of Brittany Spears (which I have been told are getting easier and easier to find). The problem with this is that the temperature for Russia is less than a degree higher than the previous record—and it is only the record for December (the previous record was in 1953). The Austrian article doesn’t even give specifics, and is filled with vague assurances that it is proof of global warming.

What is it with goats in the news? Last time I pointed out an article about a man who spray-painted goats. This time I found an article about how Sweden is going to safe guard its Christmas Goat, which apparently, has been vandalized for many years, and burned down on a number of occasions. I am not sure which is worse, that there are idiots that deface national symbols, or that the powers that be are putting a stop to an annual Christmas tradition.

Want government stupidity? I’ll give you the next three stories.

A man driving a float in a Christmas parade, was arrested for DUI --Driving Under the Influence for those of you not familiar with the term. Now, besides the man’s stupidity (though I had to laugh when I read that he’d passed the tractor in front of him in the parade) it is worth pointing out that the police charged him with 18 counts of kidnapping. These must be the same police that think breaking into a barn and leaving pornography is burglary.

Finally, the Bong Hits 4 Jesus case is going before the Supreme Court. This was stupid when it happened (2002) and it is just as stupid now. The kid was not on campus and it wasn’t a fieldtrip, therefore he had every right to unfurl a banner reading “Bong Hits 4 Jesus.” How hard is that to figure out?

And the last piece of government idiocy (in this post, though I wish it was forever), New York has decided to crack down on the mystery meats sold in many ethnic grocery stores in the state. Now I am all for safety, but what did they do with this confiscated meat? They destroyed most of it. There people starving all over the world, and they are destroying food. Tons of food, not one or two chickens, around 1.3 million pounds of food was destroyed because it might, not did, contain bacteria or viruses. That is like killing someone because they might turn into a homicidal axe murderer.

I would be remiss if I didn’t hold up the mirror of stupidity for large corporations to look into. Major record labels are going to begin releasing music as MP3s as a test to see if consumers want music that is playable on all digital music processors. A test? Aren’t these the same morons who are taking people to court over downloading music, music which is—if you did not already know—in Mp3 format? But of course in our society if a formal study hasn’t been done and isn’t supported by the vocal majority, then the issue doesn’t exist or isn’t true.

And one more just for fun, a 61 year-old grandmother was arrested for running pot. It turns out she was trying to support a Bingo habit.

Until next time, I’ll be in my trailer.

Friday, December 1, 2006

Hodgepodge and Mish-Mash

Sorry about the lag (and I actually am—hmmm—grumble, expletive), but I’ve been busy tending to my stash of green stuff (money!) and blogging doesn’t pay the bills yet. (Yes, I know I’ve visited other blogs in the past week, but I do that when I am relaxing, and writing this is too much like work to do when I’m relaxing.)

Anyway, here is some of the stupidity that has been going on while I was away:

The World Chess Federation introduced drug testing at the Asian Games. Because you know those wily chess masters are using performance enhancing drugs, well. *shrugs*

Los Alamos scientists have taught bees to detect explosives. Now, instead of teaching the bees to render them inoperable, they are going to teach humans to speak bee.

Lots of science in the news.

Scientist have finally realized that lounging is not only more comfortable than sitting upright, but better for you as well. Hell, I could’ve told you that.

The United States, along with the United Nations, has decided that the best way to deal with a lunatic with nuclear ambitions is to irritate him into submission by grounding him (my parents called it restriction). This is just another in a long line of measures designed to deal with Kim Jong Il and North Korea by Not Doing Anything. Now I’m not saying we should invade North Korea—I am neither stupid nor suicidal—but give me a break, the black market over there puts the New York Stock Exchange to shame.

This one is a bit old, but it had to be shared:

A New York man was arrested on the day after Thanksgiving after spreading pornographic magazine pages across the floor of another man’s barn and spray-painting his goats. The police labeled this as an act of harassment. Please, come harass me. I don’t have enough porn. The man in question was charged with burglary, among other things. Apparently, the police there do not know that the definition of burglary includes the phrase “intent to commit theft.”

That is all for now. If you need me, you know where I’ll be.